


TIMING

by trizzy



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Destiny, Double B, Fate, Fluff, I hope, Lol I suck at tags, M/M, Star-crossed, Wrong timing, iKON - Freeform, ish, timing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-12-18 05:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18243626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trizzy/pseuds/trizzy
Summary: "You... it's you again," he said, a smile spreading widely on his lips.The man in front of him smiled right back.There's an air of calm from both of them, looking at each other.He had a different feeling about their meeting this time around. He thought they both did.Their meetings had always been unexpected. Coincidental in the way that it was never planned, but not purely so, in the way they had learned to expect it to happen one way or another.Because they always meet.





	1. THE FIRST TIME

Hanbin takes a deep breath slowly, then released it even more slowly, relishing the vague smell of the sea and nature from the large rock he was currently perched on.

 _This is it_ , he thought. _This is exactly what I need._

Today is a Saturday. His friends decided to go to the beach since the coming Monday is a public holiday, so they don’t have classes at uni. He is not always willing to go out, but something told him he should go out this weekend, and now he knows it was a a great idea. Nothing better than clearing your mind surrounded by the calm nature.

“Hanbin-ah, come down here and swim,” he heard his girlfriend say. He just shook his head and smiled at her, then raised the camera on his neck to his eyes and took a photo of her instead.

She laughed, quickly striking poses as he took a couple more photos. After he let the camera fall onto his neck again, she proceeded to the ocean again, laughing along with the others.

She knows not to push him when he wants to be left alone.

He took a hold of his camera again and scrolled through the photos he took of her. _She’s really beautiful; I don't know what she ever saw in me,_ he thought.

The serenity was broken by a child’s loud cry, and he looked around, finding a shirtless man holding a struggling baby boy in his arms, crying and wanting to go to the ocean.

“Raon-ah, you can’t go down, your mom told me not to let you in the ocean without her, please stop crying, baby,” the man said, a hint of frustration and perhaps desperation, in his voice.

The child continued crying in his arms.

After a few more minutes of non-stop crying in the background, Hanbin stood up and decided to go back to their rented cottage nearby.

He knows he cannot fault the child for crying, and perhaps not his father too, but the fact remains.

His peace was broken.

\--

“Ah, why did hyung even leave you alone with _me_ to buy food for dinner? He knows I panic the moment you start crying. Why am _I_ even here at _your_ family’s long weekend vacation? Ah, Raon-ah, please stop crying,” Jiwon pleads, swaying his nephew to try to calm him.

He knew taking Raon near the ocean was a wrong idea when he started trying to wiggle out of his hold when they were close enough to the shore. Then he started crying. And Jiwon started panicking.

They have now gone back near their cottage, Jiwon pacing back and forth trying to calm a still crying Raon in his arms.

_What is taking them so damn long to buy some food to cook?!_

Suddenly, the door to the cottage next to them opened, showing a man in a sleeveless shirt and bucket hat. Their eyes met, and the man’s eyes showed evident frustration.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, you were disturbed by his cries?”

The man took a deep breath, meanwhile Raon thought it was the best time to start whining again.

“Can’t you calm him down? Give him a toy or food or something,” the man said.

Jiwon snorted and swayed the child with a tad more force, “You think I haven’t tried that? He just throws anything I give him.”

Raon cried louder.

The man huffed, “Can I try carrying him?”

Jiwon looked at him, trying to figure out if the guy was serious with the offer and if _he_ himself was seriously even thinking about taking the offer up. The man just looked back at him, only his nephew’s cries, the gust of wind and the far sound of waves in the background.

 _Well, he doesn’t look like a kidnapper, just… a pissed neighbor_ , he thought. _And even if he is, I’m pretty sure I can outrun and overpower him._

“At this point, whatever makes him stop crying,” he muttered, carefully putting Raon on the man’s arms.

Raon proceeded to stare at the man, ceasing to cry. Until he realized he doesn’t recognize the face of the one holding him.  Then Raon started crying. Again. Even louder, if that was possible.

Jiwon started laughing, and the man looked at him, panic slightly tinting his eyes.

“You’re no better than me,” Jiwon told the man, still chuckling softly as he took his nephew back from the stranger, who at least stopped crying being his uncle’s arms once more.

“At least I’m not his dad and can’t stop him from crying,” the man retorted.

Jiwon did a double take. Literally stepped a few steps back, because of surprise and disbelief. _What did he say?_

Then he laughed again.

“Wow, man, you’re something. You think he’s _my son_? I love this lil precious like my own son, sure, I think I am too young to have one,” Jiwon mused in between laughs.

He saw the wheels turning in the man’s head. And Jiwon knew the exact moment he realized his mistake, because the man _blushed_.

“You- you’re not- he’s not- yours, oh my goodness, I- I’m so sorry,” the man sputtered.

_Cute._

“I don’t think I’m much older than you, how old are you?”

“Twenty-one,” he said weakly.

“I’m only a year older than you,” Jiwon said, laughing anew. And the man blushed anew.

“Well, I’m just gonna go back to our cottage now.”

“Who you with, by the way? Don’t tell me you’re alone out here.”

“Oh, I’m with my friends for the long weekend,” the man said, almost shyly.

“Cool, same. Well, same as in we’re here for the long weekend as well, but with my family. Thus, the nephew,” Jiwon said, smiling widely, and chuckling a little again.

As if on cue, he heard footsteps nearing, followed by his brother’s voice, “Raon-ah, my son, dad’s here, where are you? Jiwon-ah!”

“Finally,” Jiwon muttered. “That’s my hyung, this loud one’s dad. Catch you later, cutie.”

\--

 _Cutie, he called me a fucking cutie and winked,_ Hanbin thought, hand clutched at his chest while laying down on his bed. _What the fuck._

The rest of the group went out to grab dinner, but he pretended to be asleep when they came back from their swim. All of them knew better than to disturb Hanbin’s sleep, so they left him alone. Now he’s alone once again in the cottage.

Hanbin shifted on the bed.

 _Jiwon-ah_ , he remembered. _Jiwon. That’s his name. Suits him._

Hanbin shifted again.

And again.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Hanbin? Get your shit together,” Hanbin grumbled to himself, and shifted once more on the bed, trying to finally sleep.

His grumbling stomach woke Hanbin up the next day. After looking out the window and seeing the bright rays of sunshine, he realized that he skipped dinner.

He stood up, touching his hungry stomach as he did so. He went straight to the kitchen and he found all 4 of his friends on the sofa on the way, fully clothed already.

His girlfriend blushed a bit, looking a little guilty, then said, “Hanbin-ah, you're up. We're going snorkeling, wanna come?”

“Yeah, you didn't even swim yesterday, it'll be fun!”

“Yes, come on, Hanbin!”

He just shook his head, and continued going to the kitchen, but the table was empty.

“You guys go ahead, I'm not in the mood. I'm just gonna go to the local diner and grab something to eat.”

“What the hell, Hanbin,” one of his friends said, exasperated. “Why even come if you're not going out anyway? Why invite your girlfriend if you're not even gonna spend time with her?”

His girlfriend blushed even more, and started shaking her head as Hanbin turned to look at her.

“N-no…. I'll just stay, Hanbin-ah. Let's go eat together,” she said, grabbing his arms.

“No need. I'll make do myself.”

Then he left the cottage.


	2. THE SECOND TIME

Jiwon was carrying his nephew when he heard a heavy sigh behind him. He turned around and smiled.

“Hey, cutie. A sigh that deep is done after a whole day full of shit. The day just started.”

The man looked up from looking at the ground, startled. Then he blushed. Again.

 _Damn, he wants me dead. Definitely a cutie_ , he thought.

“Why do you keep calling me cutie?”

“Well, you didn't tell me your name and you're cute, so why not?”

“Stop smiling like that, I can't even see your eyes,” he said then looked away, blushing even more.

Jiwon just smiled even wider, walking back to fall in step with the cute guy when he didn't move forward.

“I'm Jiwon.”

“I know. I heard your brother call you yesterday,” he said, then started walking again.

“That's not how you answer that! You're supposed to tell me your name!”

He ignored Jiwon, and Jiwon didn't press him. Sensing the awkward atmosphere, the man took a deep breath and attempted to start conversation. “I thought you're here with your family, why are you always just with him?” he asked, pointing to Raon in his arms.

“First of all, this lil precious _is_ family. Though I’m also starting to believe that his parents invited me to this trip to babysit while they date,” Jiwon answered, laughing a little but somehow sounded bitter to his own ears, then continued, “How about you? You said you were with friends, but why are you always alone?”

The man just looked at him and shrugged, “I like being alone.”

They walked in comfortable silence, until his nephew started reaching for the guy.

“Guess I'm not the only one who likes you,” he mused.

\--

_What did he just say?_

Hanbin's hand froze while he's reaching for Raon. He looked at Jiwon, dumbfounded. Jiwon looked back at him until it got too intense for Hanbin and he looked away, pretty sure he was blushing yet again.

_Why am I always blushing in front of this guy?_

He decided to completely disregard what Jiwon just said, putting his attention to Raon who started whining, face crumpled, still trying to reach for him. He carefully put his arms around the small figure, and Raon quieted down immediately, his attention focused on the colorful band-aid on Hanbin's face, trying to rip it away.

Hanbin saw the local diner, and he remembered how hungry he was. His pace increased, momentarily forgetting about Jiwon and the kid on his arms. It's still almost lunch time; the diner was packed but luckily, he spotted a few table-for-two's available. Jiwon started going to an empty table first and motioned him to order food. Hanbin pointed at Jiwon, silently asking him what he wants to eat. Jiwon just shrugged, ask if saying buy him whatever.

Hanbin shrugged back and fell in line. After ordering food, a food number in hand, Raon started whining again, still trying - and failing - to rip his band-aid with his small hands.

“Hey, hey. Uncle has extra band-aids, okay? Just wait until we get to the table and I'll give you one, hm?”

The small one looked at him, tears in his eyes, hands still on his face. Hanbin balanced the metal number for their food on his other hand, the one securing Raon's legs, and gently touched Raon's face to soothe him with his free hand until they reached their table.

While waiting for the food, Hanbin brought out his wallet and plucked his extra band-aid and put it on Raon's tiny arms. He didn't stick it deeply, so Raon easily ripped it away this time. Amazed, Raon giggled, then sticked it on the table.

Hanbin looked up, and saw Jiwon staring at them, smiling. He couldn't help but smile back. Feeling oddly happy and contented, Hanbin’s hunger was forgotten until the server brought the tray of food to their table.

\--

Their food arrived, and Jiwon motioned for Raon so the man in front of him can eat in peace.

“No need, he's not making a fuss anyway. Get him when he starts to cry again,” he said jokingly.

Raon started reaching for food, and Hanbin fed him small amounts of rice at a time.

“I think at this point he'll cry when you give him back to me,” Jiwon answered, shaking his head but smiling.

“Right. Because lil Raon likes Uncle Hanbin, right, baby,” the man cooed cutely while softly tickling Raon. Raon giggled in return.

Jiwon smiled.

Then he realized something.

_Hanbin._

He smiled wider, eyes disappearing once more.

“Hanbin, huh? Cute. Like you.”

Like he predicted, the man - _Hanbin_ \- blushed again.

“Stop calling me cute! Raon's cute! I'm not cute,” he said indignantly, ears red.

“Cute,” Jiwon lowly muttered.

Hanbin's glare let Jiwon know the he heard. He smiled again.

\--

After eating, the decided to stroll around town since they were already there, Raon giggling at all the colorful things he is seeing.

“So,” Jiwon started, making small talk. “You're in uni?”

Hanbin nodded. “Yep. Music major. I wanna be a famous songwriter someday.”

“Yeah? Well, I major in Arts. I wanna be one of those viral manhwa writers but eh. I'm not sure I'm even any good at it.”

“Oh, you draw? I can't draw if my life depended on it, that’s cool,” Hanbin looked at him, wide-eyed and small smile playing on his lips.

“I can't make music if my life depended on it, so we’re even,” Jiwon answered, laughing a little.

“But I make shit music, so it doesn't count.”

“And I make shit manhwa, man. Absolute shit.”

They looked at each other, both laughing, atmosphere between them light and comfortable, though perhaps an underlying hint of frustration in their eyes.

Raon started whining and crying again after a while, irritated due to the intense afternoon heat and in need of his nap. Hanbin gave Raon back to Jiwon, the yawning and red-faced little one snuggling on his uncle’s chest. They decided to go back to the comfort of the air conditioner inside their respective cottages.

“I'll see you later, cutie,” Jiwon said in front of his cottage, and Hanbin felt himself blushing again as he turned around having walked forward already.

“You said you call me cutie because you don't know my name! You already know!”

“You didn't tell me though, you told Raon,” Jiwon answered with a cheeky smile. Smile that somehow made his heart race.

“My name's Hanbin,” he said in a rush, a little breathless somehow.

“I know. I heard you say it to my nephew, cutie,” then Jiwon winked - _again_ , the motherfucker - and opened the door to their cottage and went in.

Hanbin clutched his chest, feeling his heartbeat. _What the fuck?_

When his brain finally functioned and his feet started moving, he found himself plopping down on the sofa inside the cottage. Then, he started _humming_ , surprising himself. He sprang up, and went straight to his room, locked the door, and grabbed his notebook and music sheet quickly.

It has been a while since he last found any inclination for making music, which sucks for a music major, but sucks even more for an antisocial music major, with music writing as his only hobby, like _him_. This is mainly why he dragged his ass out on a long weekend, hopefully to find some inspiration in nature.

_But why does it feel like this inspiration has everything to do with a certain man with a bright smile next door, and nothing to do with nature?_

He started writing.


	3. THE THIRD TIME

Jiwon remembered putting his nephew to sleep for his nap, but he didn’t remember falling asleep right with him, his worn out Pooh stuffed toy on the crook of his neck. And he certainly didn’t remember the little one waking up. Nor his brother and sister-in-law coming back from their souvenir shopping. Most definitely not the whole family going out again to sight-see and watch the sunset.

But then again, he  _ is _ a deep sleeper.

He sighed, reading the sticky note that was stuck right on his forehead, bearing his brother’s ugly handwriting. He jumped awake as soon as he opened his eyes to only neon green on sight.  _ Ass. _

He got up to a sitting position, looking around the small cottage, realizing it was noticeably darker. He dug his pocket for his cellphone, and saw that it’s half past 7 o'clock in the evening.  _ Damn, Jiwon, you slept that long? So much for following them for the sunset _ , he thought.  _ How am I gonna find them now, who knows which part of the beach or town they are? _

He stood up, stretching as he did so. He took a quick shower before heading to the door, grabbing his wallet, shades and phone on the counter where he left it.

He couldn’t help but look at the neighboring cottage.  _ Wonder if Hanbin is inside, _ he thought. Before realizing he was moving, he found himself at the door, trying to peek inside.

_ Don’t do it, Jiwon. _

_ Don’t... _

He knocked.

He stood there for a few seconds, just staring at the door, heart pounding. He wanted to leave immediately, but he was also hoping that somehow someone will answer the door.

Someone did.

A girl. A girl looking more and more confused by the second.

She finally broke the silence and asked, “Uhm, sorry to be rude, but who are you?”

“O-oh. Uhm, I’m looking for Hanbin,” he answered, looking behind her to see if he’s anywhere to be seen.

“You know my boyfriend? He hasn’t been out much though,” the girl said, almost unconsciously.

_ Girlfriend, huh. You sure know how to pick ‘em, Jiwon,  _ he thought bitterly, grimacing, and remembering once again the main reason his brother dragged his ass to this vacation in the first place.

“Oh, me and my nephew just sat with him at the diner this morning, and thought maybe he wants to hang out,” he forced himself to smile. “Nevermind then. Thanks.”

Jiwon turned around and walked away quickly, but no quick enough to miss the faint voice saying, “He doesn’t even hang out with me.”

\--

Hanbin sat on the same rock as yesterday. This time at night. It was still as beautiful.

The darkness that surrounds the sea makes it seem uninviting, daunting and unwelcoming.  _ It's not the only one _ , he retorts in his mind.  _ Wonder if there will ever come a person who will brave the frightening and unapproachable sight, such as the sea at night. Or me. _

Lost in his thoughts, he was startled by a scream that teared through the quiet he has been engulfed in. The scream was followed by a loud laugh, breathless, trembling and breaking in the middle but a laugh nonetheless. A familiar one. Hanbin squinted his eyes to make out a face.

“Ahh, it's so cold! And I can't see shit. But ahhhhhhhh, it's so fucking fun,” the foolish man exclaimed.

“Jiwon?”

Heart racing, Hanbin froze. And it was not just because the man looked up at him and smiled in recognition, waving at him and calling out his name and motioning him over.

It was because he was positive it was not just the sea that Jiwon just ran through.

And that can't be.

But he won't think about what can and can't be tonight. It won't matter tomorrow anyway. Tomorrow, he goes home, and his life will be back to normal. Well, as normal as it can be knowing it was  _ his _ life.

So he stood up, dusted his board shorts and jumped off the rock.

And then he ran towards the sea, smiling as he go.

\--

“Fucking shit, it's cold,” Hanbin screaming, breathless but laughing.

Now Jiwon is no expert at laughs, and not this man's, but there's something about the way one of his eyes is slightly more wrinkled than the other while he was laughing. It looks… genuine. He looks younger because of it. Free.

Jiwon was mesmerized.

So he did the only thing his short-circuiting brain can think of. He splashed him with water. Cold water.

“I said it was cold, asshole,” Hanbin glared at him.

“I was just helping you get accustomed to it!”

Hanbin just looked at him disbelievingly. Then he lunged. Next thing Jiwon knew, his head was submerged and he can't see anything. He reached his arm above and pulled  _ hard _ . Hanbin lost his footing, and then  _ both _ of them are underwater. Hands in each other's arms, unwilling to let go. Unwilling to let each other emerge without them. Unwilling to be alone in the darkness.

The struggle slowly ceased from both sides, until they are just holding each other. Not moving. Not seeing. Just feeling.

_ He doesn't even hang out with me. _

Jiwon let go, burned. He resurfaced quickly, then gasped for air. A moment after, Hanbin followed, looking dazed and lost, breathing heavily.

He silently walked back to the shore, trembling every time the wind blows.

“I’m just gonna… go have a quick shower. It’s really freezing and I feel sand all over me,” Jiwon said, trying to laugh but sounding more like a quick succession of breathless wheezing instead. He crouched down to retrieve his shirt by the shore and put on his slippers. It doesn’t matter that he just showered before going out, and that he doesn’t feel sandy at all. He just had to get away from this.

It was silent, and he almost thought Hanbin wasn’t there behind him. But he’s there. Jiwon knows he was.

Jiwon started walking back to the cottages, chanting to himself not to look back. But he should’ve known it was impossible. Especially after he heard Hanbin’s small, uncertain voice asking, “Sh-should we, uhm, meet up after, uh, your, uhm, shower?”

He looked back, and saw Hanbin’s confused but almost pleading eyes, his hands playing with the hem of his wet shirt, slight shivering from the cold.

_ Fuck. What would a few more hours hurt, right? I know now. It can be platonic. I know my limit now. Just for tonight. Just tonight. Just one more time. _

Jiwon took another deep breath, and lowly said, “You should change your clothes too. Let’s meet by your favorite rock, yeah?”

He proceeded to turn away quickly, resuming his walk back to the cottage. He never saw Hanbin’s eyes light up and start nodding.

\--

_ Why the hell did I do that? And why the hell am I actually here yet again on the rock, waiting for him? _

“The fuck didn’t you change your clothes?”

Hanbin’s head whipped around to a freshly-clothed Jiwon. He looked down at his now dry clothes, muttering, “Didn’t wanna go back to the cottage.”

Jiwon sat down next to him. Hanbin stared at the fair amount of space Jiwon put in between them.

They remained silent after that. There was tension in the air felt by both of them, but no one spoke. Both afraid to be the one to cut through the truth and face the reality.

Hanbin glanced at Jiwon’s expressionless face again, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He thought that he just wants Jiwon to give him something - anything.

“I’m straight,” he said, and there it was, an expression on Jiwon’s face as the latter’s face whipped to face Hanbin.

“What? If you're attracted to someone, then you're attracted to them. Gender and how they identify themselves have nothing to do with it,” Jiwon snorted, then sighed deeply. “If only it’s just that, then that I can work with.”

Hanbin looked at him, question in his eyes. Jiwon just shook his head, unwilling to be the one to open t _ hat _ topic. He didn’t need to, because Hanbin spoke again, “I have a girlfriend.”

Jiwon took a shaky breath, “I know. She answered the door when I looked for you at your cottage a while ago.”

It was Hanbin’s turn to whip his head towards Jiwon. He saw a flurry of emotions in his face, pain and frustration the most prominent. Hanbin just wanted to somehow ease it, if he cannot make it fully go away.

“We… just started dating. It’s casual, we’re not se-”

“I’m not a goddamn side piece,” Jiwon’s voice thundered, making Hanbin jump slightly.

It was the loudest Jiwon’s voice has been on their time in the rock, and he was looking straight at Hanbin now. “I just got out of that shit, you know? It fucking hurts, but more than hurting for myself, I also hurt for the one cheated on. No one deserves to be fucking cheated on. It doesn’t matter how casual you still are, but if you fucking give them your word and commitment, then respect it. If you’re not happy, then walk away. Cleanly. With minimal damage to your partner.”

Jiwon was breathing heavily, putting his face on both his hands. Hanbin looked at his own hands, not knowing what to say. At this point, Hanbin wasn’t sure if Jiwon was talking about them anymore. He wasn’t even sure Jiwon remembered that he’s still there.

“I saw him, you know? Her boyfriend. He talked to me, after he found out. I saw the betrayal and pain in his eyes. But he loves her enough to still take her back, because she told him it was a mistake.  _ I _ was a mistake,” Jiwon laughed, a sarcastic one Hanbin never wanna see again, because it hurts him too. Jiwon continued, “Her boyfriend told me to stay away. That they’ll fix it. But even as he was saying it, I saw the uncertainty in his eyes. The uncertainty if they will  _ ever _ fix it. And I promised myself never to be in that position again - will never be the reason for that kind of pain and wreckage to anyone again. But here I am. Fucking dumbass shit almost ended up in the same position even as I was consciously trying to run away from it by going to this goddamn vacation.”

“Jiwon, I…” Hanbin trailed off, unable to continue what he wants to say. Not sure if there’s anything to said at that point.

Turned out there’s wasn't, though it was not up to him.

Jiwon silently stood up and left. He never looked back. Hanbin was sure, because he was staring at the retreating figure until it was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm.... sorry?
> 
> Do tell me your thoughts, and guess when and how they'll meet again *winks*


	4. THE FOURTH TIME

Jiwon sat slouched at the farthest section of the auditorium, bored out of his mind and sleepy as hell. As much as he wants to gain more knowledge on music and art, he's just really here for the networking breaks. He needed clients. Fast. He already used up most of his savings from previous jobs for the registration fee for this conference.

Living alone really was hard. His brother’s family moved abroad for his work, and he decided to move to their apartment and move out of their parent’s. He wanted to try being independent, and he thought having his own apartment would give him more freedom and would help him be more productive with his work, not having his mom barge in when he’s in the kick of creativity, or hearing his parents laugh or argue loudly outside his room when he’s trying to sleep after finishing an artwork. It  _ did _ help, but he didn’t expect just how many bills came every month.

He looked forward again, and knew he should at least  _ try _ to absorb what the speaker was saying, but the pull of sleep was too much. He wasn’t one to refuse  _ that _ pull, so he put his head on the back of the empty seat in front of him, and slept.

A sudden trembling of the entire row of seats, including the one he was leaning on, shook him awake. Jiwon had no idea how long he slept, or which speaker's turn it was, but someone was still speaking in front, alright. Which means he could've had a few more minutes of sleep.

_ Damn it. _

He leaned forward, back to the same position, trying to sleep again. He was just falling asleep when the seats shook again, this time with a hard thud just a few seats away from where he was leaning.

“Thank goodness, I made it before my favorite songwriter's turn to speak,” he heard a male voice exclaimed.

Exhaling, Jiwon raised his head and said irritably, “What the fuck-”

He froze.  _ Could it be? Now? After all this time? _

His heart was started racing, pulse quickening. The man wasn't looking at him yet, but he knew. He'd recognize this man anywhere.

“I'm so sorry, was I too loud? Sorry, I was just so excited to hear points from my favorite songwriter, and I was stuck too long on traffic and I thought I wasn't gonna make it,” he said in one breath, rambling while trying to find something inside his backpack, still not looking up.

“You still wanna be a songwriter, huh,” Jiwon said, staring intently.

The man's hands ceased fumbling the contents of his bag. And slowly, so slowly, his head turned towards Jiwon.

“Ji- Jiwon?”

“Hey, cutie.”

Just like he predicted, he saw the blush he never realized he missed that much.

\--

_ This is really happening. This is really fucking happening, _ Hanbin thought, looking at the face of the man always lingering at the back of his mind since they first met two years ago. The man who opened Hanbin's eyes to things he wasn't even aware that possible for him. The man that left a mark on him. A mark so deep it stopped him from feeling anything for anyone, simply because they weren't  _ him _ .

Hanbin was still not moving, his hands still inside his bag, finding his ballpen and small notepad forgotten. Even his favorite songwriter who was about to start his presentation in front was forgotten, though this was the exact reason he volunteered to source a freelance graphic artist through this music and art conference.

“Are you just gonna continue gawking at me? Sorry for the lack of better term, but you really are gawking at me,” Jiwon said, smiling that bright, toothy smile that makes his eyes disappear.

Hanbin’s heart raced even more. He racked his brain for something to say. He looked around, and saw the presentation underway in front. “Shit. Already missed some things,” he resumed searching for his pen, notepad already in hand. “Uh, you got a pen? Can’t find mine.”

Jiwon laughed, “Do I look like a got a pen? I just wanna sleep through this whole thing and go straight to networking.”

Hanbin looked up at Jiwon, confused, then looked back at his belongings, actually focusing on finding something to write with. When he found one, he proceeded taking down notes. Well, tried to. Because Jiwon was wide awake now, though still slumped at the back of the seat two spots away from where he was sitting. And Hanbin was  _ so _ aware of him. At first, he tried stealing glances, but every time he did, Jiwon was already looking at him, and smiled at him. Hanbin’s heart was beating fast, and his brain started short circuiting, so now he’s more focused on stopping himself from turning to Jiwon than on the actual presentation.

It was the last presentation before the networking break, before the speaking sessions continue in the afternoon. Everyone stood up to go out the auditorium after, to the lounge outside, where lunch and snacks will be provided. Hanbin looked at Jiwon, who was stretching after standing up.

“Come on, it’s time to work,” Jiwon said, putting his hand on Hanbin’s back and pushing him forward even with a row of seats between them.

When they were outside the auditorium, Jiwon threw his phone at Hanbin, who clumsily caught it with a confused eyes.

“I recorded the presentation of that songwriter earlier. Take down the notes you wanted to take,” he said. “I’ll just find prospect clients around for a while. I’ll be back here maybe after an hour, okay?”

Hanbin slowly nodded, then finally asked him what he was curious about. “Clients? For what?”

“Oh. I’m a freelance graphic artist. I need clients, so I signed up for this expensive shit to get myself more,” Jiwon answered, then turned around quickly, and started approaching different people, briefly speaking to them and handing out what looked like his business card.

_ Graphic artist, huh. _

Then he remembered why his company sent him to the event. Freelance graphic artist. To do an album cover for one of their artists.  _ Guess I sourced one now. Thank God, because I suck at socializing, _ Hanbin thought. He can never be like Jiwon who can easily strike a conversation with people.

He focused on the phone in his hand, suddenly grateful for Jiwon. He found an empty couch and brought out his pen and notepad once again, excited to go through the presentation and actually absorb what was being said.

Hanbin pressed the home button and the phone turned to life. And his heart dropped. Sank to the ground. He thought he even stopped breathing. He thought his world stopped too.

The lock screen was Jiwon with another man, heads close together and cheeks touching, smiling to the camera.

_ It hurts. _

The phone only needed a swipe to be unlocked. If the lockscreen took his breath away, the phone’s wallpaper was like a strong gust of wind that went straight for him. Painfully. He was winded. Drowning. Suddenly he was panting, breathing heavily.

The same man from the lock screen was kissing Jiwon's cheeks, one hand on Jiwon's chest. One of Jiwon's arms was around the man's shoulders, the other on the man's hips pulling him even closer. As if there was any space between them to begin with.

_ It fucking hurts. _

Hanbin remembered two years ago. How broken he was after the trip. How after everything, he hoped that at least he got Jiwon's number. Damn, even his goddamn last name. Because he'd take even friendship from him. He'd take anything. Anything was better than nothing at all.

_ Then take it now, _ he thought bitterly.  _ Be thankful for this something. _

He took a deep breath, shaking his head, as if to clear his head. Then ignoring everything he just saw, clicked on the video player and went through the video, taking down points he can use in his own songwriting.

\--

After making enough conversations with possible clients and handing out all the business cards he brought, he walked back to where he left Hanbin. Jiwon found him on one of the long couches with earphones on, listening intently while scribbling on his little notepad. He plopped down beside him.

“You're still not done? I don't think it was that long a presentation,” he said, spreading his arms at the back of the couch.

“Oh,” Hanbin said, then laughed awkwardly, can't quite look directly at him. “I'm just listening to it again, maybe I missed something.” Hanbin unplugged his earphones and gave the phone back to Jiwon.

“You're still a dork,” Jiwon laughed, taking the phone.

“Your boyfriend texted.”

Jiwon's laughed died down.  _ Shit _ . He opened his phone seeing his lock screen, then wallpaper. There's also one unread message.

 

_ From: Baby ♡ _

_ Baby, how's the conference? I know you'll get all them clients bc u amazing like that!! Can't wait to see you tonight, this practice is killing me, and I miss you too much! ♡ _   
  


“You… saw?”

“Oh, uh no. Uhm, sorry, I didn't wanna read it but the preview popped up while I was watching the presentation…”

Jiwon cleared his throat, “Oh, right. No problem. That's no problem.”

“He's cute. You guys are cute.”

“Uh, haha, thanks, I guess,” Jiwon muttered, feeling uncomfortable. “How about you? You and your girlfriend doing good?”

“What?”

“Your, uhm, girlfriend. You know, two years ago…” Jiwon trailed off.

“Oh. Well, we broke up. Before we left to go back home. She, uh, cheated on me,” Hanbin said, scratching his head, and continued, “During the trip. With one of my friends who was with us.”

Jiwon gasped, “What the fuck?”

“Yeah…” Hanbin laughed awkwardly. But then he continued, “But you know the worst thing? When she told me that while crying, I didn't feel anything. I think that hurt her even more, because she at least wanted a reaction from me. Something. Anything. But then, I can't show what wasn't there.”

Jiwon's mind was reeling.

_ So if I didn't leave that night….  _ Jiwon inwardly shook his head. _ Get your shit together, you have a fucking boyfriend now. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. _

Feeling even more uncomfortable now, Jiwon asked, “So, uhm, should we go eat lunch now?”

Hanbin stood up, still not looking at him, and said, “Yup, let's go. I'm hungry, now that you mentioned it.”

No one spoke as they made their way to the buffet. Not even as they sat on one of the empty tables, plate of food on one hand and a glass of juice on another. When Hanbin finally broke the silence, the words he uttered wasn't the one Jiwon was expecting.

“So, uh, how would you like to work for us on an album cover?”

“What?”

“I'm working at a record company,” Hanbin started. “And I'm actually here to source a graphic artist to make the album cover of one of our artists.”

“Record company, huh. Wow, Hanbin, at least one of us made it,” Jiwon commented. “You're a songwriter now, huh?”

Hanbin's ears turned a bit red, laughed bitterly, then said, “No, I'm not. I work as an admin officer for the company. That's why I'm here. You know I'm not exactly great at talking to people, but I just really pushed to be the one to go since my favorite songwriter was coming.”

“Oh, I see…”

“At least it pays the bills, you know? And I get keys to the office, and they expect me to leave last so when I'm alone, I get to use the studio for myself. It could've been worse,” Hanbin explained, but as Jiwon looked at him, it seemed as if he was convincing himself too.

“Yeah, of course. Bills. Rent. It never stops,” Jiwon answered, nodding. “At least you still do it. Songwriting. I don't even have time to attempt to make manhwa with all the freelance work I need to do to make a decent living for myself.”

They both sighed deeply. Many things have changed over the two years since they met.

\--

They went back to safer topics, talking about what Jiwon was expected to do for the album cover. Hanbin was embarrassed when he honestly didn't know. Things such as the main theme of the album cover, if they have a color scheme preferred, or pegs for it. It wasn't like they share those details to Hanbin.

“Uhm, maybe you should just come by the office. I'll set up a meeting,” Hanbin ultimately told him.

“You wanna ditch the afternoon talks, and go now? I really need this,” Jiwon answered. “If I can actually seal a project with a client today, then it's a jackpot, you know?”

Hanbin took out his phone and called his boss briefly to ask him if they have time today for a meeting with a possible graphic artist.

“They said yes,” Hanbin informed Bobby after hanging up. “But, uh, do you have a soft copy of your portfolio? They wanna see it for the meeting.”

Jiwon’s face lit up, “Yeah, I have it in my flash drive! I know it'll come in handy one of these days!”

Hanbin laughed.  _ He still hasn't changed. He still gets so happy and excited for the simplest things. _

Hanbin used one of the company cars going to the conference, while Jiwon just commuted, so they decided to use Hanbin’s instead. They headed to the parking lot. The drive to the office was long, and the heavy traffic certainly didn't help.

“So,” Hanbin started, trying to start some small talk. Anything to counter the palpable tension in the car. “Why did you choose to be a freelance? Why not, I don't know, maybe join a company?”

Jiwon snorted, “Company as an in-house graphic artist? Or a marketing agency? I love my freedom too much. At least in being freelance, I still hold my time, you know? And can still choose to say no to certain projects that don't feel right - though I rarely say no to anything, but I  _ can _ . It makes the difference.”

Hanbin just nodded. He understood perfectly. Jiwon was too free-spirited. How he wished he was like that too. Free. Free enough to make those decisions and just deal with it. But he wasn't.

“How about you? Why didn't you just pursue songwriting?”

Hanbin sighed, “It wasn't as easy as I thought it'll be. Songwriting. Life, too.”

Jiwon didn't speak. Neither did Hanbin. No one spoke until they got into Hanbin's company. When they entered, he immediately made way to the conference room. He motioned Jiwon to enter, but he was now talking to someone on his phone.

“Hey, babe. Sorry I didn't reply a while ago, I was busy talking to prospects,” Jiwon glanced at Hanbin, and Hanbin just stared back. “Oh, I ditched the afternoon presentations,” Jiwon grimaced as Hanbin imagined the man on the other line started nagging him. “But I didn't go there for the damn presentations, babe. I went there for clients. And get this. I'm now about to go meet a potential client. In their office. I'm now outside the conference room, I need to hang up. Wish me luck, baby.”

Jiwon moved forward, but stopped right as he was about to turn the door handle, noticing Hanbin a few feet away from the door opening.

“You're not coming in?”

Hanbin flushed, “I'm, uh, not allowed inside for this meeting. It's, uhm, not part of my job after all. Good luck.”

Hanbin turned around quickly, not waiting for a response. He sat at his cubicle and stared at nothing in particular. Now that he's alone again, he trecounted what happened the entire day in his mind. He can't believe what just happened. He really saw Jiwon again.  _ The _ Jiwon. And he was taken. He took a deep breath.

He remembered that Sunday night. How broken Jiwon was. So broken, and so unlike how he was the entire time he was with Hanbin, no matter how fast it passed them by. Then, he remembered how he played a part in breaking him even more during the same time Jiwon brought him to life.

Hanbin closed his eyes, felt them watering.  _ Maybe he really did deserve someone way better than me. _

He heard a few set of footsteps about half an hour after, and he knew the meeting was over. He saw his boss in front, smiling then nodded at Hanbin. He was visibly pleased. Behind him was Jiwon casually discussing something with their artist and his manager.

“Hanbin,” his boss called him. “You did great finding this guy! He just gets it. Even his portfolio was in line with the output we want for this album cover. I had my doubt sending you, but you outdid any expectation. Good job.”

“Thank you, Sir..”

He turned to look at Jiwon. He was now finished with the conversation, and was already walking towards him. He was smiling from ear to ear, so brightly. Hanbin felt his heart squeeze, his smile was still as beautiful.

“Hanbin, I got the job! Your company pays really well too. Damn. I'm so glad I saw you today! Thank you so much,” Jiwon was right in front of him, and he hugged Hanbin. Tightly.

Hanbin stopped breathing. His arms awkwardly hanging in the air, not quite sure if he should return the hug, but can't resist wanting to enough to keep his arms by his side. Jiwon let go soon after, looking anywhere but at Hanbin. Not looking at Hanbin as if he did something wrong. As if he was guilty.

Jiwon's phone rang, and he fished it out of his pocket. He looked at the screen and then he looked at Hanbin. Then back at the phone and excused himself.

“Hey, baby! Yes, the meeting's over, and yes,” Jiwon happily exclaimed, “as I texted you the moment it was over, I got it!”

Hanbin shared at Jiwon. He looked so happy. Hanbin can't help but think that's exactly how he should always be.

“... what? Are you for real? Wait a minute, I'll be right out,” Jiwon started moving, briskly said goodbye to everyone, half-running towards the exit of the building.

Hanbin's feet started moving before he consciously realized what he was doing. He saw Jiwon run down the steps and went straight to the man leaning back his car, waiting for him. Then Jiwon hugged the man. So tightly. Then lifted him up. They were laughing and then Jiwon snatched the car keys from the man's hands and opened the passenger side door, motioning the man to go in. Then, he proceeded to the driver's side and the car left.

_ I got a hug that Jiwon was guilty for, and the man got an even tighter hug, laugh and a drive home. _

Hanbin walked out of the building mindlessly. He didn't even bother going back in to retrieve his bag, he just walked straight out. He didn't care.   
While walking on the path to his home, Hanbin remembered the things Jiwon said during their last conversation on the rock. And how two years later, every word he said still fit their situation perfectly, though reversed. Well,  _ Hanbin's _ situation. One-sided, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me sfbbsfsdc
> 
> comment your thoughts or rants, or both lmao ily all, bear with me and bear with double b ♡


	5. THE FIFTH TIME

Weeks passed since the conference, and Jiwon was finally finished with the final version of the album cover. It had undergone some minor revisions, but overall, Jiwon can say it was one of his best works. They gave him freedom with it, just giving him outlines of the aesthetic and vibe they want it to turn out. He sent them the 3rd revised draft today, and it got approved. He was asked to send the invoice for his work, along with his bank details to transfer the payment.

He stretched, then grabbed his phone to text his boyfriend. He was supposed to come over to Jiwon’s apartment tonight, but Jiwon will have to cancel it. He just got a text from the artist he designed for, and he was invited to dinner tonight. They must really be satisfied with Jiwon's work.

His phone rang. His boyfriend really hated texting and preferred to go right to calling him.

“Hey, baby. Your work got approved?”

“Yes, babe. They must really love it since they invited me to dinner tonight after approving it,” Jiwon replied.

“That's great! Too bad we'll have to reschedule our night in though, I miss chilling with you,” his boyfriend said, and Jiwon can just imagine him pouting. “My practice is really taking too much of my time, I know, and now yours too.”

“Babe, you know I can't refuse this, right? What if they become a regular client for me? After I get my pay, we won't only do a night in, we'll also do a night out, okay?” Jiwon replied softly, smiling a little when he heard a sigh from the other line.

“Well, where are you going? Can we meet after?”

“It's a bar and resto near their office. I think we'll drink after eating dinner, but I'll try, hm? I'll text you updates if I can leave early, but don't get your hopes up too much.”

“Alright. I miss you,” Jiwon then heard someone calling everyone's attention on the background of his boyfriend's line. “I need to go, practice is starting again. I'll see you soon.”

Jiwon never had the chance to answer, because the line got disconnected already. He hoped his boyfriend at least was getting enough rest and was staying hydrated. Dancing all day was exhausting, but Jiwon knows that's what needed to be done if his boyfriend really wanted to get into the competition line-up of his dance crew. He's been part of the crew for years, but this particular competition was huge and renowned globally, and it can be his big break, so Jiwon understood the dedication, time and effort it had to take.

He went to the bathroom to take a shower before heading out. While dressing up, he couldn't help but think about the one he kept forcing out of his thoughts the past weeks. Because it was dangerous. Because it was wrong.

 _Will he be there tonight,_ Jiwon wondered _. He made this possible, after all. I still need to thank him properly too._

Jiwon left the house convincing to himself that showing a proper gratitude was the only thing that was making his heart beat faster as he hoped to see Hanbin tonight.

\--

“Hanbin, can you reserve a table for us tonight at the rest bar near here? The one on your way home,” his boss asked him.

“Sure, sir. Table for how many?”

“Uh, let me see,” his boss answered, counting with his hands. “5, including you.”

Hanbin looked up from his phone, already searching the place to reserve a table. “Sir? I'm coming to this dinner?”

“Of course you are, you sourced that Jiwon after all,” his boss said, and Hanbin's grip on his phone tightened. “Reserve it at 7pm, alright? And be there.”

Hanbin gulped, fingers shaking as he confirmed the reservation for five people, heart beating fast with combined anticipation, excitement and nervousness. Hanbin haven't heard from Jiwon since that day of the conference. And now he's gonna see him again. Suddenly he can't wait until 7 o'clock.

As he clocked out from work, Hanbin debated if he should go home and change clothes before coming to the dinner. It was near his house, so had enough time for a quick shower. But then, he didn’t want to seem like he was trying hard for this dinner, though he _was_. So he went home, but he didn’t change clothes. He washed his face though. And shaved a ghost of facial hair. And put on his expensive cologne, one that he saved only for important occasions.

He put his hand on his chest for a moment, took deep breaths and then went out of his apartment. He walked fairly slow, breathing in the cool night air. He doesn’t always go out at night. Not exactly because he didn’t want to - well, he also _didn't_ \- but mainly because he didn’t have anyone to go out with.

Hanbin was early to the bar and resto, he was the first to be there, and he guessed it was a good thing since the reservation was under his name. He sat down, and went through his phone while waiting for the others. Suddenly, he heard the sound of a chair being pulled in front of him.

Hanbin looked up, and there _he_ was. The man he had always longed to see for the last three weeks, but also the one he dreaded seeing the most right now. Because he can't be touched. Because he wasn't Hanbin's. And it hurt.

It hurt because Hanbin now realized that he can't settle for just something or anything when it came to Jiwon. He can't settle for that because it hurt even more than nothing at all. It hurt because he wanted everything. And he can't have it. Not with Jiwon. And he only ever wanted it from him.

“Hey,” Jiwon said, then sat down opposite him. “How are you? I wanted to thank you properly after getting the job, but when I got home that night, I realized I don’t have your number.”

Hanbin laughed, hoping it wasn’t as bitter as it sounded in his own ears. “Yeah, I don’t have yours too.”

They both started to hand their phones to each other, but was stopped by a loud, “Hey, man! Long time no see, your work was amazing.” They both turned to see Hanbin’s boss, followed by their artist and his manager, all beaming at Jiwon.

“Hey! Glad you liked it,” Jiwon said, easily falling into a conversation with them.

Hanbin barely joined in on the conversation. I don’t think anyone actually expected him to, and he started to wonder just why he was there in the first place. After dinner, they decided to buy drinks. Hanbin usually didn’t drink, because he knew how low his alcohol tolerance was. But tonight, he just wanted to be free. And somehow because he was in the presence of Jiwon, he felt like he _could be_. He only ever felt any semblance of freedom with him, after all. So he drank.

\--

“Hanbin,” Jiwon nudged the man in front of him. “Hanbin.”

His colleagues laughed, “How is he already drunk from one glass?”

Somehow that irritated Jiwon just a little bit. As if they’re insulting Hanbin. He started smiling himself, thinking, _who knew he has this low of tolerance for alcohol? He’s still as cute as he was when I first saw him._

A cutie who draws you in, even if he doesn’t seem too inviting. And when you do get close, you realize he’s just waiting for you to try and penetrate all his walls in the first place.

Hanbin remained unresponsive, slumped forward on the table with his head on his arms. Jiwon stood up and said his goodbyes to the ones at the table, saying he will drop Hanbin off at his place, though he had no idea where it was.

“Why? You don’t have to! I’m sure he’ll come around before we’re done anyway.”

“Nah, I’ll just drop him off, then maybe come back here, yeah? He looks uncomfortable, he’ll probably have a stiff neck,” Jiwon answered, looking at Hanbin fondly.

“Man, do you like, like him or something?”

Jiwon froze. Was he that obvious? He internally smacked his own self. _What obvious, asshole?! Nothing should be obvious, because you shouldn’t like him in the first place. Not with a whole relationship on your side, for fuck’s sake._

“Oh no, I have a boyfriend,” Jiwon laughed awkwardly. “This one here is a friend. We met once two years ago, then met by chance again on the conference three weeks ago. Anyway, he got me this gig, the least I can do is take his drunk ass home.”

Jiwon literally had no idea why he felt the need to explain, but he did anyway. The guys on the table laughed again, then let him go, asking him to be quick and come back for more drinks. He just absentmindedly nodded his head, then reached for the unconscious Hanbin. He put Hanbin's arm around his shoulder, and Hanbin stirred a little, refusing to get on his back. Jiwon settled for half-supporting and half-carrying Hanbin, putting one of Hanbin’s arm around his shoulder but still almost all of his weight was against him, barely even able to stand straight much less to actually walk properly.

Since Hanbin was as awake as he can be given his state, Jiwon asked him directions towards his house, hoping Hanbin was actually sensible enough to give the right directions. He was. When they got to Hanbin's apartment, Hanbin fumbled inside his pockets for his keys. After a few minutes, Jiwon sighed and fished the keys out of Hanbin's pocket himself. Hanbin froze at his action, indirectly touching Hanbin's thighs.

Jiwon could barely breathe, and suddenly there was an unmistakable, thick tension in the air. Tension too real, he could almost touch it. Tension that he _wants_ to touch, though he shouldn't. Tension he knew shouldn't act on, but at that moment he felt like he would die if he didn't.

He pulled the keys from Hanbin's pocket, opened his door, then pulled Hanbin inside. And he pulled Hanbin so hard, so close to him, invading personal space though the latter didn't seem to mind. Or maybe Hanbin was just too drunk to.

Jiwon laid Hanbin gently on the couch near the door, following closely after him. He cradled Hanbin's face with both his hands. _How many times have I dreamed of touching you like this? How long have I hoped to meet you so that I finally can? But now that we finally did, why can't I touch you freely like I always wanted to?_

Hanbin whimpered, and Jiwon felt wetness on his hand. Hanbin was crying. It threw Jiwon off his goddamn orbit. He didn't know what to do, and he didn't know why Hanbin was crying in the first place, all he knew was that he _shouldn't_ be _. Never him._

“Hanbin,” Jiwon tried, tapping Hanbin's shoulder gently with one hand while the other stayed on his face, trying to catch the tears as it fell from his eyes and wipe them away. As if they never happened.

“Why are you- still- here,” Hanbin said in between sobs.

“Where else should I be, cutie?”

“ _Never_ call me that,” Hanbin snarled, before another sob tore from him. “I’m not your cutie. Not anymore. I shouldn't be. Call your boyfriend that, not me! Be with your boyfriend now, not me!”

Hanbin - stupidly - tried standing up. Too quickly. Jiwon assumed to run away from him. He ended up on the floor instead, now clutching his head _and_ legs, crying even more. Jiwon felt his knees weakening with Hanbin's every word, every sob suffocating him, so he joined the latter on the floor.

Hanbin visibly recoiled from him. It hurts, but it's what Jiwon deserved, what he needed.

“What I had two years ago, it was shallow. Just a relationship that came along and I thought I should grab it, because who am I to refuse something like that? I wanted love, and if she was so willing to give it, who am I to say no?” Hanbin said, now lying on the floor.

Jiwon was speechless, couldn't utter a word even if he wanted to.

Hanbin continued and for the first time he looked at Jiwon's eyes, “But yours, I saw the way you looked at him. You love him.” Hanbin's voice cracked, and Jiwon felt his heart breaking along with it.

“I do. He's good to me,” Jiwon felt the tears on his eyes, but he didn't feel like he deserved to let it fall. He didn't deserve to cry. Didn't deserve to hurt. Though it already hurt so fucking much.

Hanbin sniffed, and smiled sadly, “I know. While all I do is break you.”

“Hanbin-”

“Does he make you happy?”

Jiwon closed his eyes, and the damn tears fell without his consent. “He does.”

Hanbin nodded, “‘ _If you fucking give them your word and commitment, then respect it. If you’re not happy, then walk away.’_ You said that, you remember? Two years ago, you told me that. And at the moment, all I can think of was how _unhappy_ I was before that vacation, and how that weekend was the happiest I've ever remembered being for a long time,” Hanbin stopped to catch his breath, fresh batch of tears falling from his eyes and sniffing before he continued, “But you… he makes you happy. He clearly does. So why should you leave him?”

Jiwon never thought he'd regret voicing out what he believed in, what he stood for, but at that moment, he did. Even if his views didn’t change. _I shouldn't have told him that. I should've let him explain. I should've stayed. I should've given him a chance. But I didn't._

“But, but what if,” Jiwon started, sounding desperate even in his ears, “Hanbin, what if he does, but I know that you can make me even ha-”

“Don't,” Hanbin started sobbing again, but he looked Jiwon straight into his eyes again and told him with resolve, “I won't turn you into the exact same person you despise, Jiwon. I won't make you a cheater.”

Feeling all sorts of broken, Jiwon didn't think he could've stopped the sobs that erupted no matter how hard he tried. He put his face on both his hands. He felt Hanbin sit up, slowly. Then, he felt hands on his face, lifting it to face the man in front of him.

Hanbin stared at him for a long time. Or maybe it was just a second, Jiwon wasn't sure, but it felt like forever for him. He didn't want it to end, but of course it did. It always did with Hanbin.

“Maybe... maybe we really are just meant to meet each other. Just pass by each other's life at some points, but not actually stay in it, you know? But if it's so, I just," Hanbin's voice broke, but he just took a steadying breath and continued, "I hope we didn't have to break each other like this every single time that we do."

Jiwon’s head was shaking in disagreement even before Hanbin finished, “You don't know that. Maybe not meant to stay now. But we can never know about tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or the year after that,” Jiwon sobbed and this time it was Hanbin who was catching his tears and wiping it away.

“Maybe. But let me not hope anyway,” Hanbin said tenderly now, still caressing his face. “So that I can live after this.”

Hanbin looked at him with puffy eyes, and red nose but he was calm now. Acceptance. That's what he saw in Hanbin's eyes and it broke Jiwon even more.

“Go,” Hanbin urged him, “Go before I break down again.”

Jiwon never wanted to move from where his face was held firmly by Hanbin's trembling hands, but he felt himself moving, because he felt like he owed Hanbin this.

He ignored the texts buzzing from his phone, and just walked. He didn't know how he did it, but he made it home. When he opened his apartment, he saw a familiar pair of shoes by his door, and he fell to his knees, his tears started falling again, the reality of it all winding him.

 _I hate myself_.

Jiwon all but crawled his way to his bedroom.

_Hanbin said he didn't want to turn me to the person I despised, but I think I already am. I think I'm even worse._

His boyfriend was there, sleeping. The texts he received weren't from the ones he had dinner with, it was from his boyfriend. He still came over after his practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sooooo sorry, I swear this hurt me too 😭😭😭
> 
> As usual, let me know your thoughts, and what you think will happen next. hope y'all don't hate me too much ksjdnvksjvn


	6. THE SIXTH TIME

Hanbin looked around the exclusive area of the club he was in. He could see the dance floor below him, and felt nauseous just looking at how packed it was. _This is definitely not my scene_ , he thought. He didn’t even know why he decided to come to this private album launch at the last minute, but here he was. One of his company’s artists - and his good friend, if Hanbin was being honest with himself - was already performing on the small stage below, and the crowd was getting wilder by the second.

From afar, Hanbin saw his former boss and some of Hanbin’s former company’s artists among the people at the second floor. His former boss caught sight of him and quickly made his way towards Hanbin.

“Hanbin, you look great! The past eight months outside our company did you well, huh,” he said jokingly, then patted Hanbin in the back.

“You know that's not it, sir,” Hanbin laughed. “I just really needed a change, I guess.”

“If you didn't resign you'll probably be promoted to Manager by now as well, you know.”

Hanbin just shook his head. He resigned shortly after that dinner with Jiwon. He just couldn't take it. Somehow with the one time Jiwon stepped foot in the office, he managed to make Hanbin remember him in every corner of the building. It was suffocating, and he just had to go.

He was recruited into another record company for a managerial position from a referral soon after. Hanbin can admit that his new company really did suit him better. He was given more responsibilities, but those were the responsibilities that he always wanted to have. Music-related, somehow. He was in charge of the procurement for the company, which also included all equipment, suppliers and contractors for the offices, studios, music video shootings, albums, and even performance stages. That meant he was not only included in meetings, but he also knew all the plans for every release and every schedule of every artist. Naturally, he grew close to the artists, producers and other staff in the company.

It wasn't how Hanbin ever imagined himself to be in the music industry, but at that point in his life, he knew that some things just weren't meant to happen no matter how he wanted it. Music was one of those. Being surrounded by experts in it now, he realized he never really had much talent in it. He was still lucky to be that closely tied to what he always dreamed of, and he was contented with that much.

He turned back to the stage below and the performance just finished. Shortly after, his friend was back on the second floor, mingling with the acquaintances who were present.

Hanbin stayed leaning on the railing facing the dance floor, holding an untouched liquor thrust in his hands by one of his colleagues a while ago.

“... the one who made your dope album cover?”

“Yes, that's him. It _was_ great, wasn't it?”

Hanbin tensed. He knew that voice. Hanbin assumed he will be here, but not the man he was apparently with. The graphic artist Hanbin sourced for him before he left the company. _I'm not ready for this._

Hanbin heard laughs, then a low, “Should've given me his number, man. Should've had him design mine too!”

“He just came back from the US, bro! Couldn't have done it, he took a break from work for the last eight months.”

“Yeah? Cool, I've never been! You were there for what?”

“Just visited my brother, and… supported someone there. I took a total break from work, I just needed to clear my head, I guess,” he heard Jiwon say.

_Should've stayed fucking home._

Hanbin knew all about who Jiwon supported there. His boyfriend. Hanbin saw the news. Saw his boyfriend's crew representing Korea for that renowned global dance competition. And while he was there, he cleared his head. _Cleared his head from me._ Hanbin smiled bitterly, and tightened his grip on the glass he was holding. Suddenly, the drink in his hand was all too inviting.

“Hope you're not drunk again,” a voice said. _His_ voice. Near him. Hanbin didn’t dare look. Hanbin couldn't breathe, but at the same time it felt like this was the first time he breathed for a while.

Hanbin didn't answer and just shrugged, trying to remain calm.

_How can eight months pass, and everything still hurt just as if it happened yesterday?_

“You have someone?” Jiwon asked. Hanbin's head whipped to his direction, and saw him smiling rather sheepishly. “I feel like that's the first question we should be asking each other whenever we meet.”

Hanbin managed to grimace, even when he was having difficulty in breathing because Jiwon looked just as good as he did eight months ago. Hell, he looked just as good as he did when they first met almost _three years ago_.

When Hanbin looked at Jiwon smiling at him, he felt as if everything was right in his world. Like it was exactly the way it was supposed to be. _Except it's not, Hanbin. It never was meant to be and it never will be._

When Hanbin didn't answer, Jiwon pressed, “So do you?”

 _Why does it matter if I do?_ But Hanbin didn't say that. He didn't say anything, instead he just shook his head no. Hanbin thought maybe if he didn't talk, Jiwon would just go. But then again, when did anything go according to what Hanbin wanted when it came to Jiwon?

“Good,” Jiwon leaned back on the railing beside Hanbin, but facing the opposite way, to the couches at the second floor. “Maybe third time’s really the charm after all.”

Hanbin sneaked a look at Jiwon with just his eyes, and asked, “What does that even mean?”

“I'm single too, by the way,” Jiwon looked him straight in the eyes and _smirked_.

Hanbin's heart stopped, and then suddenly it hammered in his chest. Like the broken thing that it was. He blinked a few times, as if it would help clear things. As if it was his eyes that has the problem, and not his goddamn heart that can’t stop beating for the same man he knew he couldn’t have.

“Don’t lie to me,” Hanbin said, out of breath. “I just heard you say you supported your boyfriend in US. That’s why you went there. I know.”

Hanbin heard the accusation and edge in his own voice no matter how he tried to conceal it, and no matter how loud the music was. Hanbin can’t believe him. _Can’t afford to. Not this time._

“I did. I promised to watch him if he ever got in the line up, so I did. But he wasn't my boyfriend anymore when I did. Also, didn’t you hear, I visited my brother. He moved to Virginia with his family last year,” Jiwon told him, matter-of-factly.

Hanbin was listening, he was. He was listening intently to every word. But at the same time, he just couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Jiwon was saying.

He felt like he needed time to process everything. He felt like he needed to read between every line Jiwon has spoken. Because he just can’t risk it. Not again. There was no room for mistakes, painful assumptions, and misunderstandings this time. Hanbin didn’t think he could survive again.

 _Why now?_ After all those months of trying to be okay, after all those months of chanting to himself it was time to move on and let go, why now? Why now when he had already imprinted in his mind that he and Jiwon just weren’t meant to be? Why now when he already accepted it, regardless of how painful it was to do so? _Why the fuck now?_

Hanbin felt his world spinning, felt himself getting dizzy as if he was intoxicated. _Maybe I am_ , he thought. Intoxicated from the unwanted hope pouring itself on his heart. Drunk on the irresistible hope that he knew he shouldn’t even touch, but can’t help but drink in anyway.

\--

Looking sideways to Hanbin, Jiwon could see just how conflicted Hanbin was. How confused. How lost. How distrusting. As if Hanbin wasn't distrusting and detached before Jiwon.

_I broke him._

_But I'm here now. I'm ready to love him the way he deserves to be loved now. I can be the one to fix him. I_ want _to be the one to fix him. If he let me. I hope he lets me._

“This really isn’t the place for this,” Hanbin said, standing up straight and turning around, now facing the same way as Jiwon.

“I know,” Jiwon answered. “I’m sorry.”

Jiwon had so much to say, so many things he wanted to explain and express, but also knew Hanbin was right. Jiwon wasn’t just apologizing for tonight, and they both knew it. But then Jiwon also felt as if he already said too much, too fast, too sudden. Hanbin had always been fragile, and even more so now.

_Because of me._

Jiwon knew he was right when the latter suddenly said, “I need to go.”

“Okay. That's okay,” Jiwon answered so softly, not sure if Hanbin heard him.

Hanbin's eyes looked fleeted to him and then he looked away, as briefly as it had come. And then he was gone. He didn't look back.

Jiwon stopped himself from following, using every ounce of self-control he had. He knew Hanbin needed the space. He waited exactly 15 minutes before finally saying he was going ahead first, since he was still tired from jet lag. It was somewhat true, as Jiwon just landed yesterday morning, though it wasn’t exactly why he wanted to leave.

When his former client and newfound friend invited Jiwon to this private launch earlier today after hearing Jiwon was back, saying other artists had been asking about the graphic artist who designed his album cover, Jiwon didn’t want to go. He didn’t know anyone, and he felt like he was overstepping. But then he mentioned that Hanbin might be going, because it was his new company’s artist’s launch. _I didn't even know he moved companies._ Unable to stop himself, he decided to accept the invitation, hoping to see Hanbin, see how he was, and he already _did_ so Jiwon already achieved what he came for.

Because Jiwon felt hungry and didn’t have the time nor the motivation to actually cook something at home, he decided to walk a few blocks outside the club, trying to find an open fast food chain and eat before hailing a taxi home.

Jiwon found an open Burger King. When he entered, the place was almost deserted except a few occupied tables at the side he didn’t bother to check out. As long as it's open. Jiwon went straight to the counter and ordered his food. Tray in hand, he finally scanned around, trying to find the best spot for him to eat. He froze mid-step.

_He’s here._

Sitting in one of the tables at the far-end of the place was Hanbin, a burger in one hand and a piece of french fry in another, but not eating either. He was just staring blankly ahead. Jiwon swallowed. He contemplated just taking his food back to the counter to have it packed for take-out, but his feet were frozen. Then Hanbin seemed to be aware of his surroundings again, then looked up. Looked up and saw Jiwon.

He saw Hanbin’s burger dropped from his hand, still staring at him.

Jiwon was conflicted, not sure if he should just leave the fast food chain altogether, or if he should stay and pick another table to leave Hanbin alone with his thoughts - both seemed rude and frankly, he knew both would hurt Hanbin.

He was done hurting Hanbin.

So he chose to do something that wasn’t even in his options. He made his way to Hanbin’s table and placed his own tray of food opposite Hanbin’s, trying to be as casual as he can even as his heart was beating fast.

“I swear I didn’t follow you here,” Jiwon said as he sat down.

Hanbin snorted, but a ghost of smile stayed on his lips when he said, “I know.”

Jiwon smiled back, wider, and his smile stayed.

Hanbin stared at him, seemingly entranced for a moment, and then it was like a switch turned on - or off - and his hands snatched his half-eaten burger, shoving it to his mouth, then reached for the remaining pile of french fries.

“You can slow down, Hanbin. We don't even have to talk if you don't want us to,” Jiwon told him, still smiling though perhaps just a tad bit strained now.

Hanbin was still as cute as always. It didn't matter that he's doing it to run away from Jiwon, all he knew was Hanbin was still a cutie. Jiwon had a sudden urge to call Hanbin just that, but he stopped himself. He knew he shouldn't. Hanbin wasn't ready for it, so he shut his mouth.

Moments after, Hanbin finished all his food, and was now slurping on his soft drink until nothing’s left. Then he stood up, and said, “So, uh, I’m done eating so I’m just… gonna go now, it’s late.”

Jiwon smiled again, though his heart was breaking. “Alright. Take care going home. We'll meet again. I know we will. We have to. I think it's finally our time, Hanbin.”

For the second time that night, Jiwon knew he said too much, pushed Hanbin too far.

Hanbin froze as he was standing up from his seat, and then he fell right back, eyes hard and looking at Jiwon. “Fuck time,” he said. “Time has never been on our side in the first place, you know that?”

“Han-”

“Why now?!” Hanbin said a little too loudly, sound intensified by the lack of people in the establishment, but Hanbin didn’t seem to care. Neither did Jiwon.

“Because we needed time. Apart. To heal from each other, so we can come back to each other.”

“Maybe I didn’t need time,” Hanbin said, nothing but a faint whisper this time, eyes already glassy. His voice broke when he continued, “Maybe I just needed you. Eight months ago.”

Jiwon took a deep, steadying breath, willing himself not to cry, willing his voice not to tremble when he said, “And what? Prove you right? That you did make me the man I never wanted to be? To accept that fact myself and act on it? We’ll take that with us for the rest of our lives, Hanbin. And we still have to, now, moving forward. But at least now we had time. To think, and to reflect. That sometimes, things happen and it's out of our control. Sometimes, we hurt people even if we don't want to. Sometimes we fall in love and sometimes we fall out of it. Sometimes we never realize we've never moved on in the first place, and when we do, we already have someone new.”

Jiwon wanted to go to Hanbin eight months ago, but he also can't help but hate himself for even _wanting_ to, because it went against everything he was. Even as he was also hating himself for _not_ going to Hanbin. He just hated himself, period.

For years, it had always been black or white for him. It was either you're a cheater or you're not. Cheaters were assholes who just can't be contented with what they have, and they were cowards for not getting out cleanly if they were unsatisfied with their relationship anymore. All that spiraled down the drain the moment he met Hanbin again, because Jiwon _was_ contented with his relationship and he _was_ happy with his boyfriend. Jiwon did not want to cheat, and technically he didn't, but _he did_. He did when he started yearning for someone else. He cheated when his heart started effortlessly beating fast for Hanbin again, and he cheated when he realized it never quite stopped beating for Hanbin to start with.

And then he thought of Hanbin, and how broken he already was at the _thought_ of leading Jiwon into cheating. He realized then just how deep the pain he left Hanbin was, way back their first meeting. Hanbin held on to every single word Jiwon uttered that night and kept it close to him. Too close. So then, Jiwon also knew that if they ever tried eight months ago, no matter what Hanbin said, it would always be at the back of his mind, in his darkest thoughts, he'll always remember how Jiwon left his boyfriend for him and how he ruined something good, and how he put someone through the same pain he saw Jiwon went through. And it would eat at him until he broke. Again. Broken beyond repair. Jiwon couldn't have that.

Jiwon shook his head, “I don’t think we would’ve survived it if we pushed it too early. _That_ early,” Jiwon continued, looking at Hanbin's eyes and asking for understanding. “When everything was too fresh. We were both too broken. Broken by each other. Broken for each other. I couldn’t risk it, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry it took this long to come back, I’m sorry.”

Hanbin was crying now, uncontrollable sobs erupting from him and tears running down his face. Jiwon quickly went across the table to his side, sat to the chair next to Hanbin’s and put his hands on Hanbin’s face, his thumbs brushing the tears away.

_How many times am I gonna make Hanbin cry like this?_

“I broke up with him that same night, you know. I came home from your apartment and he was there, sleeping. He woke up to me crying by the bed, and I told him I wanted to break up.” Jiwon looked at Hanbin and smiled, feeling his vision blurring from the unshed tears. “Then he told me he made it to the competition line up, and came over because he wanted tell me personally. He told me how he was thinking of moving to the US for good, to pursue dancing there. He said he wanted to ask me to move with him since my brother was already there. I felt so shitty. I felt such an asshole. I knew how important it was for him. I knew how hard he worked for it. And I just had to somehow ruined it, crying about someone else and breaking up with him the same day.”

Hanbin closed his eyes, more tears falling from his eyes, and Jiwon’s tears fell with Hanbin's this time around.

“He asked me, if I could still watch him like I promised I would, and I said yes. As friends, of course I would. I helped him with his move there too. It was really the least I can do for him, you know? He’s been nothing but good to me the entire time we were dating.”

They stayed like that for a long while, just looking at each other. Hurting, finding comfort, and everything in between all at the same time. Then, Hanbin stood up again, and Jiwon let his arms fall to his lap. “I still need to go,” Hanbin told him. “I need… time.”

The irony wasn’t lost on them, and they both laugh, though both sounded broken.

Jiwon just nodded and said, “I’ll see you.”

One side of Hanbin's mouth lifted, and before leaving he answered, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bittersweet, but also a hopeful chapter... let me know your thoughts and leave your comments! ❤️
> 
> we are nearing the ending for this, just 2-3 chapters more, and I'm feeling emotional, this is my first ever fic 😢😢😢


	7. THE SEVENTH TIME

It had been a month since the private album launch, and Hanbin was mostly back to his daily routine. Except now instead of pouring himself in his work to forget the man that was always at the back of his mind, now he embraced every thought of him.

He kept reminiscing every encounter he had with Jiwon, and now Hanbin looked at it in a different perspective. Before they met again a month ago, Hanbin never allowed himself to think of Jiwon at all. Berated himself when he so much as unconsciously did, even for a passing thought. Because if Hanbin thought of Jiwon, then he's not getting over him. If he let himself think of Jiwon, then he's failed at moving on. And maybe that's why he never really tried to understand, and - as Jiwon said -  _ reflect _ .

_ I wonder when I’ll see him again. _

He looked at the digital clock on his desk and realized that lunch break was over. He started to pack his things when there was a knock on his office door. One of the artists of the company strolled in, her manager entering after her.

“Hanbin-oppa, you know I’m releasing a digital single again soon, right? I want to set a meeting to discuss the cover art for it,” she said, and sat on one of the chairs in front of him. She was a rising singer songwriter of their company, and one of the first artists he had worked with when he joined the company.

Hanbin nodded, “Of course. You have a specific picture in mind yet?”

“No, but I do have an artist in mind.”

“Okay, sure thing. Did you already arrange a meeting, or do I need to contact this artist for you?”

“Uhm. He’s sort of already here?” she looked at Hanbin sheepishly, her manager shaking his head. Hanbin started to say something, but she cut him off and continued, “I know you’re on leave tomorrow and he was free today and he just apparently got back to Korea and start working again, he has a lot of prospects, you know!”

Hanbin shook his head and sighed, “I’m not just on leave tomorrow, you know. I’m also supposed to leave early today! I was just finishing up some things during lunch and going.  _ Now _ .”

“Well, finish this too,” she did her puppy eyes, and Hanbin sighed again. It was his weakness and she knew it. She was cute, and she reminded Hanbin of his younger sister.

“You’re lucky I actually like you,” Hanbin said while he stood up. He grabbed his planner from his table and made for the door.

“I  _ know _ ! Thank you, just 15 minutes tops, promise,” she beamed at Hanbin and led him out the door.

When they arrived at the conference room, Hanbin was still typing on his phone, double-checking and calculating if he can still make it to the ceremony and texting his mom he might be late, because he was just an anxious perfectionist like that. When he was about to sit down in one of the chairs, he looked up. He stopped dead on his tracks, then he laughed. He should have known.

"You... it's you again," he said, a smile spreading widely on his lips.

The man in front of him smiled right back.

There's an air of calm from both of them, looking at each other.

He had a different feeling about their meeting this time around. He thought they both did.

Their meetings had always been unexpected. Coincidental in the way that it was never planned, but not purely so, in the way they had learned to expect it to happen one way or another.

Because they always meet.

“Hey, Hanbin,” he said, the bunny smile Hanbin always loved in full display, eyes disappearing. “I was wondering if I’ll meet you today… guess it’s my lucky day.”

_ Guess it's mine too. _

“Wait, you know each other?” a girl's confused voice said, and then recognition seemed to dawn on her, and she looked at Hanbin. “Oh, right! Oppa, he worked with your previous company, did you meet him there?”

“Oppa, huh,” he heard Jiwon say.

Hanbin's eyes snapped to Jiwon's so fast, too worried to hear the teasing in the latter's voice. Hanbin's hurriedly and forcefully said, “ _ No _ .”

_ Can't blow this, Hanbin. _

Jiwon chuckled, and Hanbin took a deep breath, relieved he was joking. Then Jiwon’s smile remained even as his chuckles died down, his eyes trained on Hanbin. A smile so bright and directed right at Hanbin that suddenly everything and everyone ceased to exist in his world, except warm eyes and bunny smiles. All he saw and knew was  _ that _ smile. A smile for Hanbin. He smiled back and Jiwon smiled even wider, and Hanbin's world was perfect.

“Oh god, are you guys dating or something?” she gasped, eyes going back and forth from Hanbin and Jiwon.

Hanbin  _ felt _ himself blushing. He wanted to speak but was afraid to be a stuttering mess if he tried, so he shut his mouth. Jiwon, on the other hand, just turned to face her and casually said, “Not  _ yet _ . And we met way before I worked for one of his previous company's artists, just… always an almost. Hopefully we finally get there soon though.”

Hanbin blushed even more that he looked down at his hands. He hoped that too. But then he saw the time on the watch on his wrist, and he started to panic. All thoughts of any romance flew out of his mind.

“Fuck, I'm gonna be late. You said 15 minutes tops, but we haven't even started yet 15 minutes in!” Hanbin exclaimed. He still needed to go home to fetch his things because his lazy ass didn't want to bring it to work this morning. Because he was supposed to be home already  _ now _ .

“It's not my fault you spent 15 minutes literally staring at each other's eyes and getting all mushy with each other, barely acknowledging my existence!”

Hanbin cleared his throat and said, “Let's start then,” trying to regain composure and some semblance of professionalism, even as he felt his face heat up even more. He could see her manager trying to contain his laughter from his peripheral vision.

He looked up at Jiwon, silently asking him for help, and Jiwon hid his smirk, looked at her, and said, “So, you have a specific look of the single cover in mind?”

“Not really, I just want it to be soft and intimate. No bold colors, no popping visual. Hm,” she thought for a moment, then smirked and said, “Maybe you can get inspiration from your feelings for Hanbin-oppa while making it. It's a love song.”

“Yah!” Hanbin exclaimed, and turned red once again, looking every bit of scandalized.

At the same time, Jiwon said, “Got it. You want it to be neutral, or is a man's face in it okay with you?” Jiwon looked at Hanbin when he said it, mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Jiwon!”

“Just joking, cutie. Don't want your face displayed everywhere. I want it just mine.”

Hanbin was feeling so embarrassed, but feeling all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside at the same time. Appreciated, that's what he felt like. Wanted. He liked it.

\--

Jiwon was pretty sure he was in heaven. Hanbin was looking all shades of cute and shy and beautiful in front of him, and Jiwon knew it was because of  _ him _ , and it's driving him crazy in the very best way.

_ Can't blow this, Jiwon. _

“For fuck's sake. You're both hopeless. You'll do it, right?” the young girl said, trying to look pissed, but Jiwon can see the fond eyes she had while looking at both of them.

“Yeah, ‘course I would,” Jiwon answered her.

He didn't bug his friend for a referral to  _ anyone _ from this company, hoping to at least catch a glimpse of Hanbin when he went here for a meeting. Jiwon knew they will meet again, but a little help wouldn't hurt, right?  _ A little push innocent enough, _ he thought. He just missed Hanbin, wanted to see him without actually pushing him if he's not yet ready.

To Hanbin, he said, “I'll charge the same rate your previous company paid me the last time.”

Hanbin just nodded, already writing something on his planner.

“When is the deadline for this again?”

“I'm releasing the single in a little over a month from now.”

“Aight. I'll send the first draft next week.”

She stood up, and reached her hand out to shake Jiwon's hand and said, “I can't believe you guys flirting with each other took longer than the actual meeting.” She shook her head, tapped Hanbin’s back and left with her manager, leaving Jiwon and Hanbin alone in the conference room.

After a few beats of silence, Jiwon spoke, “Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?”

Hanbin jumped on his seat, then scrambled around, obviously in a panic, “Shit. I'm so gonna be late. My mom would kill me. My sister would cry on me, and we're going on a trip and I'm going to be guilty and awkward and tensed the whole weekend.”

Hanbin looked so cute, rambling away but not exactly moving to go anywhere.

“Hey. Hey, Hanbin, calm down, okay? I have my car with me, I'll drive you wherever,” Jiwon said softly, trying to soothe Hanbin. “Where are you supposed to go?”

Hanbin looked at Jiwon, as if he escaped a trance, but with his question, he saw Hanbin getting lost with his thoughts again, rambling, “Today is my younger sister's moving up ceremony, we have a big age gap, you know. She loves me and I adore the heck out of her, and I'm gonna be late for such an important day. I even planned a trip for our family for her, that's why I'm leaving work early today and on leave tomorrow even though its Friday. But then my dumb ass decided to leave my bag at home and now I need to fetch  _ that _ before I go to my sister's school. I'm gonna miss the ceremony and she'll hate me and ignore me the entire weekend-”

“Hanbin. Breathe, cutie,” Jiwon interrupted, laughing silently, but Hanbin was still too preoccupied to notice. “Let's go, okay? I'll drive you to your apartment, then I'll drive you to your sister's school, okay? What time is the ceremony starting?”

“3.”

“We still have over an hour, we'll get there on time, come on,” Jiwon assured him, already walking towards Hanbin's chair to lead them out the conference room.

\--

On the car, Jiwon tossed his phone towards Hanbin's lap. Hanbin looked up at him, confused. “Key in your address, I need directions. You moved, and I don't know your new address.”

“What?”

Jiwon didn't answer, and he didn't need to because Hanbin realized what he meant shortly after. Moved houses.  _ He knew where my previous apartment was because of  _ that _ night. _ Hanbin could feel the tension slowly rising inside the car, but for some reason, he wasn't afraid of it. He welcomed it now. Needed the conversations that he previously tried to run away from.

“Yeah. I moved after I left the company. It was too far from my current workplace so…”

“Right. That's practical,” Jiwon said, laughing a little. He already started the car and was making his way out the parking lot.

It  _ was _ . But not just for Hanbin's travel expenses, but also for his heart. He didn't say that out loud, but he had a feeling Jiwon already knew anyway.

“How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That I moved.”

Jiwon subtly flinched, but Hanbin was already looking intently at him that he noticed the small move. Hanbin also saw Jiwon's ears tinged with red.

“I, uh, sort of went there? Immediately after I, uh, came back,” Jiwon said, stuttering a bit, as if Hanbin was never supposed to know any of these things, but then he still continued, “I didn't even know what I wanted to do, when I went there. I wasn't sure you'd want to see me, and I was just looking at your apartment from afar, but then a family came out of it and I realized you moved. That's why I came to the private launch too. Because I was told maybe you'll be there. I didn't have your number, and I was on a dead end.”

Hanbin stared at him, unconsciously smiling. Was this the electric feeling between the ribs that they were talking about?  _ It feels nice, and I can get used to this. _

Hanbin didn't think he could form any coherent response to Jiwon if he tried, so he just hummed and shifted his attention on Jiwon's phone. He pressed the screen, and Jiwon's screen lit up, his lock screen a cute, adorable toddler that Hanbin recognized as his nephew. “Your nephew is still just as adorable,” Hanbin smiled and swiped the screen; Jiwon's phone still didn't have a password on it. The home screen was a rock by the shore.  _ A familiar rock. _ Hanbin whipped his head to Jiwon's direction and asked, “Is this…?”

Jiwon briefly looked at Hanbin, then at his phone on the latter's hand and nodded, “Our rock? Yep, that's it.”

Our rock.  _ Ours. _

It was like a promise, and Hanbin wanted to hold onto it. He thought he already had.

Hanbin went to the keypad and typed his number in quickly fingers shaking a little, then pressed call. He ended the call as soon as he heard his own phone ring. He pressed to save his number, then asked Jiwon, “How do you wanna save my number by?”

“Just put in cutie,” Jiwon cheekily answered, and Hanbin didn't dare turn to face him but he just  _ knew _ Jiwon was smirking.

“Shouldn't have asked,” Hanbin grumbled, but still followed to save his number by the said name before proceeding to key in his current address to the GPS.

Soon after, they were at Hanbin’s new, slightly bigger apartment, and Hanbin saw Jiwon's eyes rake through the apartment, until it stopped on the couch.

The same couch from his old apartment.

The same couch he just couldn't leave behind, under pretentious logic that buying a new couch would be too pricey for him after his move. The same couch that witnessed that painful night. The same couch that witnessed Hanbin’s cries as he sat and chanted to himself to let Jiwon go every single day after it. The same couch that witnessed his late night thoughts for the past month, coming to terms with the hard truths he had to live with if he wanted to move forward. And now the same couch that was witnessing that maybe he never really let go and didn't ever need to let go again, after all.

Jiwon gingerly sat down the couch, and Hanbin smiled before going inside his bedroom, breathing deeply as he walked. There was something oddly liberating, having Jiwon in his apartment again, in a very different situation. As if it was a do-over. As if it was a chance.

On top of his bed, Hanbin grabbed his backpack and put the camera strap around his neck. When he went out to the living room again, he saw Jiwon looking at a picture frame of him and his sister by the coffee table, his arms around her for a loose, yet affectionate hug.

“She looks like you,” Jiwon commented, putting the photo frame down, before picking up another one, this one of her perched on the back of Hanbin’s neck as a baby. “No wonder you were so good with Raon that time.”

“Except that first time I held him,” Hanbin replied, remembering how the child cried and laughing a little.

Jiwon was smiling, and Hanbin was sure he was reminiscing the first time they met. Hanbin was, too. Now, when he remembered that weekend, he chose to remember how they were so different, but also somehow so compatible. He now realized that everything he got from that weekend outweighed whatever pain that came along with it. That weekend showed him what love truly looked and felt like. That weekend taught him that it was better to wait for the right one, than to settle for what's there just because of the uncertainty that the right one will ever come.

That weekend helped him find out who he really was.

Now, he knew that even if he was aware of all the pain he would go through numerous times because of that awakening experience, he'd still go through it again - it was worth it after what he gained.

The comfortable silence felt like it stretched for a lifetime, both of them lost on their own versions of their first meeting, but if Hanbin glanced on his watch, he'd see it barely lasted 3 minutes.

Jiwon stood up, put the frame back to its original position and looked at Hanbin, “You all good?”

Hanbin nodded and Jiwon reached out to grab the bag from his hand, exchanging it with his phone and proceeded to go out the apartment. Somehow, Hanbin understood that Jiwon wanted him to type in his sister's school address in the GPS this time.

\--

Jiwon went ahead to his car, aware that Hanbin was following closely behind him. He put Hanbin's bag at the back seat, then opened the passenger door for the latter. Hanbin blushed, muttering a thank you before sliding inside.

He smiled, somehow feeling accomplished that he still made Hanbin blush like this. When he was sat on the driver's seat, his phone was already situated on the dashboard, GPS ready.

He started the car and glanced at his phone, then checked the time. “We'll get there on time, Hanbin. We still have 40 minutes.”

Hanbin nodded again, and he looked relaxed now.

Though the silence was comfortable, Jiwon wanted to talk to Hanbin, so he asked, “So where are you going for the trip?”

“I booked us a hostel near the beach, because my sister loves the beach. It’s also close enough to a hiking trail, and I wanted to try it. Not sure my mom and sister will agree to hike, but I can do it on my own though,” Hanbin answered, looking all excited and pointed at his bag at the back seat, “I even bought hiking shoes and clothes and everything.”

Jiwon thought Hanbin was in for a painful and difficult surprise with hiking, but he didn't want to break it to Hanbin when he looked that excited for it. Instead, he replied, “Sounds exciting. When do you go back?”

“Saturday night, my parents wanted to be home by Sunday to open the shops. It even took me nagging and my sister crying for my parents go close our perfume shop and our restaurant for one day on a weekend,” Hanbin laughed, and shook his head.

Jiwon didn't know Hanbin’s parents own shops like those. He didn't even know Hanbin had a sister. It's amazing how he felt like he knew every bit of Hanbin, but he still learned new things about Hanbin every single time they met. He knew still had so much more to learn about him. Now he had so much time to meet him too, because he's not going anywhere.

“Cool. What are you doing Sunday?” Jiwon asked carefully, trying to gauge Hanbin's reaction and ready to step back if Hanbin so much as display an ounce of discomfort.

“Rest…?” Hanbin said slowly, as if it was a question. There was a moment of silence, but then Hanbin continued, “You?”

“I’ll work on the single cover art this weekend,” Jiwon said, just as slowly. “But I can rest on Sunday, though.”

_ It’s your call, Hanbin. Just brush it off if you’re not ready. I can wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. _

It felt like an eternity for Jiwon before Hanbin spoke, “Oh.”

Jiwon tried not to bathe in his disappointment.  _ It's okay, Jiwon. He needs time. And you're gonna give it to him, however long he needs it. _ He checked the GPS and they're close to the school now. Jiwon thought Hanbin won't say another word until he had to get out of the car, but he did. He _ did _ , and Jiwon's heart hammered in his chest.

“There's this new anime themed café near my apartment, maybe we could… try it,” Hanbin said softly, barely a whisper but then his voice turned an octave higher, babbling, “I mean, if you're up for it. Or you can just stay home and rest there. I don't even know where you live, maybe it's too far from you-”

“What time should we meet?” Jiwon cut Hanbin off, looking at him sideways and smiling.

“I- what?”

Jiwon couldn't help but laugh this time, “You're too adorable. I'd drive hours for you, you know?  _ But _ if you should know, I live about 20 minutes from yours.”

Hanbin, tinged with red on his cheeks whispered, “I just wanted to meet halfway.”

“Meet halfway. I like that,” Jiwon smiled widely. Hanbin turned to him and smiled back, understanding it meant so much more than travel time to a café. “How about we meet halfway and after we go to your café, we could go to somewhere I choose? That café of yours serves breakfast?”

“Breakfast?”

“I need your whole day, cutie,” Jiwon replied, as he entered the school premises.

“Wh- I-” Hanbin gave up trying to speak and just sort of took a deep, staggering breath.

Jiwon chuckled, and he stopped the car in front of the school’s auditorium and looked at his watch, “Here you go. 15 minutes to spare.”

“Thanks,” Hanbin said, still not looking at him as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. Jiwon unbuckled his own seatbelt and went out of the car, then got Hanbin’s bag out of the backseat.

“Uh,” Hanbin started saying and Jiwon looked at him. “You can… come inside if you want?”

Jiwon’s eyes widen and shook his head, “Oh. Nah, you celebrate this with your family. I’ll see you on Sunday, hm?”

“Okay,” Hanbin said, then chuckled, his one eye closing more than the other, “We actually have a date now?”

“Date as in the specific day of the week, or date as in  _ date  _ date?” Jiwon knew what he meant, but it was just too good to pass up. He got the exact reaction he wanted, with Hanbin blushing in front of him.

“Shut up,” Hanbin said, then thumped the back of his hand on Jiwon's stomach. He grabbed his bag from Jiwon and said, “Both.”

Hanbin all but ran inside after saying that. Jiwon put his hands on his face, feeling warm and happy and fucking high on Hanbin. He stayed like that for a few moments, chuckling with his face hidden, and then he went around to the driver's seat and slid in.

_ God, he's too cute and I'm too whipped. _

He hummed as he started the car and drove out of the school grounds. He got so much more than he bargained for when he agreed for that after lunch meeting, and he  _ loved _ it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a light, fluff chapter... I guess? they finally got THAT date! 💜💖
> 
> as usual, please leave comments and let me know your thoughts! also, maybe suggestions on what will happen on their date? 💕


End file.
